There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize