why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
