i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
