Me too!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
