We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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