Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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