O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
