So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
