just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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