Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
