I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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