mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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