I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
