Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
