At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
