I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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