Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
