I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize