I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
