Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize