"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
