so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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