I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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