My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
