Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
