I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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