She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
