Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
being pregnant is like rehab
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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