I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
