haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
