he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
