I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
