After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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