maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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