Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
