does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think my vagina is haunted
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
