come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
