Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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