i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
