i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
