its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
