Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
