Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
