I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
