Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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