I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
