also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i would punch a child for taco bell
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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