how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize