Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
