So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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