I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
