What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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