I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
