Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
