So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
