her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
