return my video game
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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