bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
