I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize