the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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