I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
