these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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