Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
