Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
